Getting Off Prozac

Prozac. For the past year and a half since the death of my husband at 49, I have taken it in order to be "functional". Last November I tried to slowly reduce my dose. I did this successfully I thought. I could attribute my temper and irritability to other sources...until about a month after I finished the last dose. I was told that it took that long to be totally out of your system. When I reached this point I did a full crash and burn...crying everyday, feeling so angry and pissed off that not only did others not want to be around me...I didn't want to be around me! If I could have crawled out of my skin I would have. I decided that maybe just before the holidays was not the ideal time to be this way, so I returned to the pills and the emotions dried up.

Now I want to try it again, but this time only halfway and with a therapist in tow. Maybe I can finish processing my grief on the half dose with weekly sessions scheduled for me to go ball my eyes out. It's been almost 2 years since his death and I can only deal with half the pain. What kind of wimp does that make me? I'm told that I now mourn "the secondary loss", of friendship and comfort, travel and laughter. The always was and now never will be. The irrevocable loss of your best friend for 30 years and the inevitable loneliness that accompanies such a loss. The understanding that you are now the family leader and all the decisions and mistakes are yours. (No one left to blame them on now!!)

Despite the pain I know is coming, I am ready to move forward. It is time to drop this layer of hibernation fat I've acquired in my mourning and to somehow integrate 9 months of brain tumor hell into my present day existence. It is a journey that we all must face in some way at various times in our lives. Walk with me, wish me luck and help me not have to make the journey alone!